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25th July 2009

1:04am: nani
i will be back in bama in a week

p'cola too

29th May 2009

12:05pm: Procastination
I have been trying to use some of my underway time to try writing. I was going to post one of the things I had written here, see if I could get some feed back on it. Find out if its any good. but I am not going to. not yet any ways. its 50 odd pages long. It was not suppose to be, just turned out that way. I may very well post it when I get back to pearl. I think that if I am any good at writing, that is, if enough people like what I put to paper; then I may very well try that as a carrer after my time in the navy is up. doubtful, but I think I would enjoy it.

26th May 2009

10:20am: What do you want me to say? do you wish to hear on how when pulling into japan, I looked into the night sky for the first time in weeks and saw the dragon? That beast Draco hanging over my head far above the bridge? That was my introduction to the east(by ways of west) at the start of this west pack. Did you care to know that Singapore was like visiting Hawi'i perfected? that the islands beauty rivalewd all that I had seen? Or perhaps you would like to hear how boring boat life is. BAh! Nothing to say, nothing to understand. Talk is worthless. Words can not possibly express the feeling, the emotion that must be convade if I wish to be understood. At least, not when guided by my hand. Latter a short story.

17th February 2009

3:35pm: Hmm..
Japan for four days, on base for three. On thursday I get to go to Tokyo. Other than that I wont see to much of this country, Its a working port. Its cool though, the vending machines have pictures of Tommy Lee Jones on them and read "BOSS" its kinda funny. Might not get a chance to get yall stuff, but leave a note if you want anything.

20th January 2009

12:23am: Heh
be back in 6 months, if you want something from japan, tell me now

26th December 2008

5:05pm: be in bama some time the 28

20th December 2008

5:27pm: heh
as it stands I am coming home for new years

13th November 2008

2:09am: west pac
Hey, I get to explore the Pacific in a few months. all of it, Korea japan(twice) china, Singapore. are all on the list. I am kinda excited about it.

16th October 2008

2:23pm: Tell a Tale
I use to make up things and tell them to people just to see if I could get them to believe me, just odd random things. Some times it worked, some time it did not. Some times it worked to well, and the tale the lie the thing other than truth became truth. Or might as well have been true. Kinda like when I was little I use to smile and pretend that I had done something when in fact I had not, meanwhile the real culprit would stand next to me and defend himself, it was kinda fun. Kinda. But soon it got out, I could never stop smiling and that stupid grin would always get me in trouble. I just could not help it, it was simply a reaction. Still kinda fun though. But any ways, some thing like that, yeah. I use to track them, my lies, to see how far they got to see how many people would believe them to see how little I had to do to get them across. I found that the less I did the longer it would survive. And that the origin story should always be simple, never elaborate. and afterwords I should tell people to forget it, and refuse to talk about it(or at least be reluctant to talk)and it would go pretty far. I suppose its my master piece, but at this point I am just bored with it. I started it in power school and it kinda followed me to DTP and from there to Groton and now its here in pearl with me, and I have done jack shit to keep it alive. I don't want it to follow me to my boat, but I don't want to kill it out right. Solet me say it here(where no one will see):

Thank you

21st September 2008

1:32am: unfamiliar ceiling
You have to understand, I live in a world where I have trouble proving that I, myself, exist, constantly wondering if I am just a well developed figment of imagination(which may very well be a faltering statement) and some other mind controls this pen that I call my own. Descartes made it look so easy, that I can't just accept but I am not deep enough to look for myself. I know no words to express describe hide my own feeling. Language is my archnemisis.
So how can you expect me to believe that you are real? Can you prove to me that you are even there? that you have substance spirit soul? Damn that evil genius for the doubt that (he/she)has sown will haunt me. Was that the plan all along?
Plagued though I am by thoughts of my own existence, I feel no desire burn need to prove to you that I ever am or was here. Proof for my own mind soul brings comfort, for others--indifference(and spelling errors). No monument could satisfy me, just an answer to a question that I must die to find and, unfortunately, can not share with you(am I even sure I ever asked the question?)
Though you need not fret, for while I ask, I do not require proof of your existence. Rudeness prompted me to ask such an unsightly thing of you. I apologize and by that, you will let it pass at face value. I shall take you and hear and listen, and though I am curious I shall not ask, for what went through your head when I asked of you the impossible. I ponder this more than I ponder your number(one shows me your mind, the other your body). You think it daft, or even, mad? that I come to the club to contemplate existence. But I find the energy sound desperation rather relaxing in a world of calm that drives me crazy.
Chaos is comfort. Peace is unnerving.
besides, philosophy is better that politics or religion, though to e honest my philosophy is encircled by my faith and both are built on my history, what I am told is our history, human history. Like everyone else who wants to sound unique important new I claim ancientness in my belief(and deny every other claim to antiquity)
So, I sit here with a drink wishing begging dying for some paper. While the music plays I think of everything and nothing and I feel small and large and just a tad tipsy. And--you know you are rather cute--I never expected you to come over and talk to me. I really like that, forward women are attractive. Pity you walked off, scared away by a poorly worded philosophical query. And I wont come after you, you already think me strange, best not let you know that I am desperate. Come back, and sit here with me and ramble, let us see how often our thoughts cross paths. For your company I will gladly buy you drinks, but I am just a tad to pore to do much more. Just know that when I ask about the pink flamingos that decorate my ward that I am not mad, simply nerdy.
So I am sorry that I asked you to prove yourself, and yet offer no evidence of my own existence. Maybe I would be better off in a book store or some coffee shop looking for some quite little nerdy girl. But they never come to me and a coward never asks them. So I sit here in this club waiting to make you stop and say "wait...what?", and I wonder if you will sit to help me look for an answer(to a question that I am not even sure I asked).
If by chance you find that answer before I do(it always seeks out they who do not look) would you mind coming by and explaining it to me?
If you do, please use small words.

19th September 2008

2:23pm: What would Revere have done, if they came by air?
I leave for Hawaii tomorrow morning, until then I don't belong to any one. Nor to any command. 18 hours of freedom, think I'll waste it.

also, I caved in, I now have a facebook.

10th August 2008

8:15pm: Romanes eunt domus
Every day things change and become more like they are now. With a hollow sound the world rings with sameness. I am angry, no, sadden with the present state of the world. The international celebration of torture and slavery in China was bad enough, finding out that I was traitor was...I just cant say how ad this makes me feel. Alright, Georgia is a small country just south of Russia at our request they have sent 2000 soldiers to Iraq, what ever you think of that war you must understand that that action made them are ally. Hell, thats as men troops as England sent. Georgia is our friend and they have put their neck on the line to help us, now Russia has invaded(yes I know its more complicated than that, I will debate you on a one-on-one basis) and what does the US do? Not only do we refuse not to help Georgia, we wont even move their troops home so they can fight for their freedom(We shipped them to Iraq in the first place). Politics aside, leaving a friend out in the rain like this makes me sick to my stomach. And because I am a salior I am one of the ones who is turning his back on our friend, our ally. I know that when I enlisted that I was going to e asked to do things that I did not agree with, taking 30 pieces of silver was not one of the things I expected. I have never been this disappointed with my country.
And sure Georgia is a small country, I doubt most people could point it out on a map, hell I had to think for a moment, and yes it would mean war with Russia and all of her nuclear weapons and our armed forces are all spread out across the globe, but we are still betraying a friend. We might as well be pulling the trigger.
I guess this is what I get for believing that the principle is important, for believing in some sense of honour.

And in typical egocentric American manners, I now change the subject to me. I am suppose to leave for Pearl Harbor Hawaii in just over a month. I am looking forward to my 4 years there and I hope to get my fish with in 6 months. This will be my first time out of CONTUS and I am looking forward to it(though I am also nervous). I suppose that the best thing is the fact that I will finally be out of school 13 years of grade school, 2 and a half of college, and a year and a half from the navy adds up to 18 years of learning. I am 22, I want a chance to put all of this to some use, and that means getting to work. Ofcourse, I will be taking every opportunity to learn more(both on and off the boat), but it will be nice to see just how much I have learned and to find out how much time I have wasted.

Two last quick points, 1. reading is the sexiest thing a girl can do, 2. new background(I kicked that mountains ass, trail blazer who-YAH!)

Romani ite Domum

14th June 2008

12:45pm: I have a new band
Megaman: I will not fight you. (Protoman: You have no choice.)
I'll stand beside you. (I stand alone.)
You're still their hero. (Then they are fools.)
This cannot be the only way. (You will see.)
They don't deserve this. (When this is through,)
Now more than ever, (Mankind will fall.)
We are their hope. (They would not stand.)
They know no better. (They would not fight.)
They are not ready. (They never will.)
Even now there is hope for man. (My father's words!)
Your father loved you. (He still believes?)
His heart was broken. (His only weakness.)
His greatest strength. (Now we shall see)
You are not evil. (if they will stand)
You are not broken. (beside their hero)
We both know they'll never fight!

Protoman: You finally get it.
There are no heroes.
Mankind is doomed.

You will never have another Hero. You will never have another chance. You
will fall because you never tried to stand for yourselves!

Human Choir: Destroy him!
You can save us!
Destroy him!
You can save us!
Destroy him!
You're our only hope!


No man saw the blow. The light was blinding. The crash was deafening. The
two brothers stood feet apart. Both in pain. Only Protoman fell. His knees
hit the ground. His weapon followed. Before he could fall any further
Megaman was at his side. The brothers, the Sons of Light, embraced. Protoman
was dying. Nothing could stop that now. Protoman looked up through strained
eyes and tried to speak. At first nothing came. Summoning all his remaining
strength, Protoman whispered these words into his brother's ear:

Protoman: If these people...tell this story...to their children...as they
sleep...then maybe someday...they'll see a Hero...is just a man...who knows
he's free.

Protoman was dead.

The crowd seemed pleased.

Megaman finally understood.

There are no Heroes left in man.

Human Choir: He could not save himself.
How could he save us?
For all the blood he shed, (Megaman: As I live)
Your brother failed us. (There is no evil that will stand.)
There's nothing you could do. (I will finish)
You had no choice. (what was started:)
Why do you cry for him? (The fight of Protoman.)
You are our hero.
You are our hero!

Megaman: You are the dead.

The fallen body of his brother at his feet, Megaman removed his helmet
and began to walk away from the fortress. The remaining robots looked at
their broken leader, then at Megaman. Without orders, they would neither
advance nor retreat. With eyes full of rage, Megaman looked over the whole
of Mankind, turned his eyes back to the robot army and lowered his head.
Slowly, he loosened his grip on his battle-scarred helmet, letting is drop
from his hand to the ground. The robots immediately turned from Megaman and
cast their eyes towards the fortress. Dr. Wily stood high above the robots,
high above the crowd of men, high above their broken heroes. With a wave of
his hand, the robot army had their orders. They advanced on the crowd to
punish them for their thoughts of rebellion. Men fell in waves. Those most
eager to watch the bloodshed were the first victims of the slaughter. The
sound of Machines marching into a screaming mass did not cause Megaman to
turn. The sound of children crying for their mothers would not pull his gaze
from the far edge of the city. The sound that finally caused Megaman to
pause long enough to look back on the burning city was the voices raised
over the din, chanting almost in unison:

23rd May 2008

3:06pm: never mind
is it wrong that I am kinda happy when I hear about individual athletes boycotting the olympics.
I know the event is suppose to sponsor peace and faith in humanity, but there is just some thing about communism(rather communist countries that exists) that bothers me. While I am fan of the games, I cant help but to feel that holding them in such an oppressive regime is...well an embarrassment to the world at large. While I disagree with nations as a whole boycotting, I cant but to help thinking "good for them" when i hear about an individual boycotting.
but enough about politics half a world away.
I live in Groton CT right now and after that I will probably live in a metal tube. after that, who knows.

being single sucks, never having the time or means to do anything about it sucks more.

7th May 2008

6:45am: again
I leave for groton CT on friday. I am going to be up there for at least six months for sub school. After that I don't really know where I am going. I just don't understand why I am so apathetic right now.

P.S. I have the entire command down here convinced that I have only one testicle(loosing the other in a horrible shop class belt sander accident). That is all.

26th April 2008

6:54pm: Something I have been wondering about
what is the purpose of government?
Sadly I do not have the time to look at this question as much as I would like(or rather the patience). So I'm just going to throw it up here and see what I get. Though, I have made a poorly defined attempt to answer my own question, I am not satisfied with my answer(its not specific enough for my taste).
Government exist in order to force control onto the general populace(or rather on individuals by the general populace?). Through my own twisted logic and in a way that makes sense of me I have come to believe that this is do to a lack of trust between people(and thus a populace that does not trust itself).
So does government exist because people do not trust their neighbors? Or is it merely the by product of a societys attempt to organize itself in order to become more effective.

I ramble and loose cohesion
what was i saying?
i don't think anymore

8th April 2008

9:40pm: LOA
So, I have been de-nuked. kicked out of the program that I joined the navy for. Sweet. Cause you know its not as if I did not try. You know spending an odd 80 hours a week in a classroom, taking every opportunity to get one on one time with the instructors. Getting up every day at 4.50 so I could be inside by 5.30 and not leaving till 10 on a good night. Only seeing the sun one the weekends(thats fun) just stopped getting exercise(no more running). It was all frigin sweet, you know, just what I have always wanted. And then just falling every test, and I don't mean just failing, I mean a beautiful nose dive into hard concrete. So after 5 months of power school, with one month left to go, I have tossed out of the program, listed as hope less. Lack Of Ability, being the official reason. Sounds just like Retard to me. I have never been so fucking ashamed of my self. And these schmucks just keep telling me that I tried hard and thats what counts and that they are "so sorry" for me. Let me say now that the first schmuck to tell me sorry is going to have 120 pounds of skin and bone ripping there throat out. It is the fact that I tried so hard and still failed that pisses me off so much.

Baer from exile(DTP)

4th April 2008

2:46pm: I have never tried so hard or failed so miserably in my life.

1st February 2008

10:53am: commanders
the commanders of the army navy air force and marines are walking through a military base talking. They get on to the subject about which service has the bravest men.
the marine general goes says watch this, and orders a nearby marine to shoot him self in the head
"sir yes sir!" pop. the marine falls down
Army goes "thats nothing, watch this. Sergeant, drive that tank off a cliff."
"sir, yes sir!' crash. the tank and its entire crew are all mangled and bloody.
Chair force is not impress. "Pilot, crash your plane"
"sir yes sir!" and the pilot goes up in flames.
The admiral shakes his head "you guys got nothing, watch this" and walks up to a nearby aircraft carrier. "sailor, jump down"
"Fuck you sir!"

17th January 2008

11:12am: Ár n-Athair atá ar neamh,
Ár n-Athair atá ar neamh,
Go naofar d'ainm,
Go dtaga do ríocht, Go ndéantar do thoil
ar an talamh, mar a dhéantar ar neamh.
Ár n-arán laethúil tabhair dúinn inniu,
Agus maith dúinn ár bhfiacha
Mar a mhaithimidne dár bhféichiúna féin
Ach ná lig sinn i gcathú
Ach saor sinn ó olc.
Mar is leatsa an ríocht, an chumhacht, agus an ghlóir
Trí shaol na saol.

3rd January 2008

11:49am: Never left
The litany begins again, the mantra is repeated for the umptenth time as if it has never ceased. We fall back into the routine, though many of our minds are distant and vague, the pattern embraces us and to the beat we dance. Never a step missed, not a wink nor breath taken out of turn. How comforting the routine is, showing us which way to go and what is forbidden.

Its as if I never left, I had no trouble getting up at 4.40. I did not feel tired at all during math or heat transfer. And the thought of standing watch from 22 til 24 does not bother me.
Its as if school never stopped, or rather that I....

24th December 2007

11:27pm: off to mass
midnight mass. second best mass of the year.

21st December 2007

10:32pm: fun thing to do
go to google, and type in: "french military victories" then hit the ?I'm feeling lucky" button. to be honest it think its grand.

I will be back in the florida/alabama area some time tomorrow. drop me a call, or if you dont have my number just leave a message here, if you care to see me

9th December 2007

11:43pm: 80 fucking hours a week
I wish that this damned internal monologue to end. its like lving in an episode of scrubs, except not as funny.


25th November 2007

9:20pm: Awesome!
the navies definition of "simple" is different than mine. I would have to say that the biggest difference is is 12 foot long 6 inch radius iron stake.
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